I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen in a bit of disbelief...I am having to write about the s**t people say to pregnant women! Now I'm not naive, I've read similar blogs by other women that probably should have warned me about the stuff people say but I am living it. And I am shocked!
You may or may not be thinking, why is it part 1? Because I am certain that there will be a part 2 and possibly even part 3 considering I am 3 weeks away from my third trimester so that leaves about 14 weeks for more questions and comments.
I found out I was pregnant on November 8th, we kept the secret from everyone except our parents and siblings until we were about 16 weeks along...yes I was a bit paranoid. So that has left about 10 weeks for people to say s**t and ask really personal questions, since I am approaching 26 weeks. I don't think that is a lot of time, but there have been no shortage of stories and questions and assumptions made about my pregnancy and future delivery.
Here are some of my favorites:
1. The ever common, "Were you trying? or Was this planned?" How am I supposed to answer this question..."yes, do you want a copy of our ovulation calendar?" Awkward!!
2. Will you have a natural birth or will you get an epidural? Well, considering how much this question irritates the s**t out of me I will likely get the drugs as to not be so annoyed. No, but in all seriousness...who's business is it anyways. I love my mother, bless her heart, but she had two natural births and thinks that pain medication is ridiculous and she has let me know more than once. I finally had to say, "well good thing you aren't birthing this baby then because if I decide to have drugs that's my decision." She hasn't said much after that.
3. Gender! Everyone had an opinion about finding out the gender and gender predictions and the list goes on about gender. By the time our 20 week anatomy scan came around I wanted to scream about the amount of GENDER talk there was. We had an amazing reveal party and I wouldn't have done anything different but all the talk and opinions leading up to that day was exhausting!
4. I will never be able to take a shower! Both of my sisters in law are really good at telling me this. They make it sound like I will have to go days and days without taking a shower and that the baby will never ever allow me out of her sight without bawling her head off. Let me let you in on a little secret, I love showers! I like to be clean and feel so much better if I take a shower, if I can't take a shower I am not productive and not very happy. I'm sure there will be times when I will have to wait for Mr. G to be home to shower but I'm sorry, I do not believe for one second that I will have absolutely NO time for a quick shower.
Let's get to some of the more serious and scary ones:
5. This one was courtesy of my dental hygienist, a nice lady about my mothers age with two grown children. While she was cleaning my teeth she decided it would be a great idea to tell me two horrible things that may happen to me during delivery...ummm, okay, thanks lady...put your hands in my mouth so I can't respond and tell me awful things that can happen to me. She told me that I would pee the bed every time I had a contraction and that after delivering my baby the nurses would push on my stomach to get the extra blood out and it would look like grape jelly. Seriously, this is my first pregnancy and I'm nervous enough about delivering a baby the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon, I don't need the additional gruesome details. Again, I'm not naive and am well aware that childbirth is not a beautiful afternoon spent in a rose garden somewhere but I do not want to know that I could possibly pee the bed every time I contract or that I could pass blood clots that look like grape jelly.
6. I will have a long and difficult labor, this gem was predicted by a gay guy at a restaurant I was at with some friends. Yep, you just read that right! I was enjoying happy hour (ginger ale in a wine glass please) with some friends and both of my sisters and this guy walked over to our table and inserted himself into our conversation. We had no idea who he was nor why he approached our table. After a few minutes of general conversation two of my friends went to the bathroom, hoping this man would take the hint...he didn't. He sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me that he is very intuitive and that I would likely have a long hard labor and that I should get the epidural ASAP. This coming from a man!! I carefully put both arms over my stomach as I was afraid he would try to touch my bump and felt my older (very protective) sister slide closer to me as to say, "okay dude, enough is enough". He took the hint and left the table, everyone was stunned that he commented about my delivery and I proceeded to explain that his comment was just a drop in the bucket!
7. I am going to preface this next one by saying I am a firm believer in allowing parents to make the best decision for their children (newborns, toddlers, etc, etc). What works for one may not work for another. Our daughter is not even here yet and I am tired of the breastfeeding shame, immunization and home birth lectures. We should be respectful of each other as parents! This happened to me and Mr. G when we were about 18 weeks into this pregnancy at a gathering of a bunch of friends by a woman who I do not care to ever see again! She nicely congratulated us on our pregnancy and then proceeded to drive the conversation for two hours about breastfeeding only, her feeling against immunizations and how everyone should give birth at home. She was rude and judgemental and after two hours of agony my husband drug me out of the gathering because he couldn't take it any longer and I cried most of the way home (the host of the party actually called the next day to apologize). This woman is entitled to her opinions and I would have gladly had a respectful and open conversation with her, but she didn't want to know what my husband and I had talked about and decided for our baby...if it wasn't the same as her she was sad for us. SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT SHE WAS SAD FOR ME THAT I WASN'T A BREASTFED BABY! Thanks lady, you've offended my mother and me! Mr. G and I pride ourselves in researching things and making educated decisions for ourselves and now our upcoming baby. We decided that giving birth in a hospital makes us more comfortable, we will be touring two hospitals and already have a list of questions to ask while we are there. I have read beautiful birth stories by women that gave birth at home (I actually read one today that was amazing) and I respect those moms for making the best decision for themselves and their babies. For me, I have decided that a hospital is the best option. As far as breastfeeding goes...I am going to give it a good old college try and hope that everything goes well. I'm prepared for tough times and I am going to stick with it as long as I possibly can, however, I will NOT feel shame if at some point I have to stop and switch to formula. I do not think that any mother should shame another mother for choosing not to breastfeed, we need to build each other up not tear each other down. I'm going to leave immunizations at this, Mr. G and I have decided to immunize our baby, however, with the support of her pediatrician we will space out the shots a little more since she will likely not be going to daycare the first 8-12 months of her life. To all of you parents out there, no matter what you choose I respect your ability to make the decision for your child. Whether I agree with it or not.
Those are my top 7 for now, along with every birthing horror story you could ever possibly imagine but I don't have time to type all of those stories. Everyone thinks it's their duty to share their horrific birth story with every pregnant woman...enough is enough!
Mr. G and I have tried to laugh through most of these and we have been successful at times, we know that most of the time people don't mean to scare us or to be rude (most of the time)...they just like to tell their stories.
I'm hoping that the next round of "s**t people say to pregnant women" is more humerous than serious; I would like it that way.
With love,
Mrs. G
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