After our 2 hours in the recovery room we were taken to our postpartum room on the 4th floor where we would spend the remainder of our time.
We were introduced to our nurse Heather and got familiar with our room.
Since our family members were still waiting to meet the baby and had been waiting a while we decided to go get them. Mr. G invited the grandparents back first and then the aunts, I didn't want the room to get too crowded as my anxiety was quite high. It turns out that the room was big enough and they were all able to be there without it seeming too crowded.
Baby G did not have a name yet, we didn't have time to talk about it and were so sleep deprived that I did not want to make a decision without feeling confident about it.
Her grandparents got to meet the newest member of the family and had some time to snuggle her. Both of my sisters and sister in law also got to meet her. Everyone was so tired from being up basically all night that they did not stay long. We all needed some rest and Mr. G and I needed time to get acquainted with our baby.
Once everyone was gone we enjoyed snuggling with her and took naps periodically throughout the day. We were checked on a lot throughout the day so sleep was very much interrupted. Breastfeeding was not going well as the baby was not latching and I was really struggling with anxiety every time the nurse wanted me to try. I knew in my heart that the baby was getting hungry but the nurse kept trying to tell me that she was fine and that she was getting a little bit of colostrum.
That evening we had a couple of visitors but really wanted to keep it to a minimum because of exhaustion. Baby girl had her first bath, she didn't enjoy it very much but we thought it was pretty cute.
This last picture she looks exactly like I did as an infant, I was shocked at the resemblance.
Unfortunately Tuesday night was terrible, our baby girl would not latch and every time we would try to breastfeed she would scream and scream. I had to hand express colostrum as well as try to pump and Mr. G fed her with his pinky. We were up most of the night, at 3:30am I was crying, the baby was crying and Mr. G fell asleep standing up (no joke!). The night nurse knew we needed a break, so she told us that she would take the baby to the nursery for a couple of hours and that would give us some time to rest and they would do her 24 hour check.
This is sort of a hot button issue these days, whether or not a baby should spend time in the nursery or should the baby exclusively "room in" with the parents. Here is my opinion...take it or leave it. It should be up to the parents and the nurse, in our case we needed some help. We had just been through a 36 hour labor with little sleep along with the excitement of having a new baby we didn't get much sleep during the day. Our nurse knew that in order to take care of our newborn properly and safely that we needed a little help in the form of some rest. Because she noticed it and offered to take the baby to the nursery for a little while we were able to get some uninterrupted rest and were much better when she returned.
Wednesday morning (07/23/14) was better, but not great. I was continuing to cry frequently and couldn't get control of myself...it didn't help that our baby still didn't have a name and that breastfeeding was not going well at all. So, I did what I knew would make me feel better; I took a shower. It was during that shower that I knew what we needed to do, it was like I had clarity wash over me. I got out of the shower, put some normal clothes on (when I say normal I mean my pajamas) and called our nurse Heather in (after talking to my husband). As soon as she walked in I told her to bring us formula and nipples; that we were no longer breastfeeding. I finally uttered the words that I knew might bring some criticism but I knew in my heart and soul that this was the right decision.
No need to gasp or pass judgement, and if you are doing that...close this blog right now and never return to it. This decision was one that my husband and I made, we are the parents of this child and we get to decide what is best for her and for our family.
After that I turned and looked at Mr. G and said, "we need to name this baby now, she deserves a name". So we wrote down the three names we had picked and each of the middle name options...it was very clear to me when I saw her name. I looked at Mr. G and said, "it's Olivia!" He agreed and so Baby G had a name: Olivia Renae Elizabeth G.
Back to breastfeeding for a moment:
About a week after she was born Mr. G told me that for 24 hours after she was born he would watch me get so anxious and have a physical reaction every time a nurse would come in to help us feed. He said it scared him because he thought I was going to have a full on anxiety attack (which I eventually did but I won't go into that now).
While breast milk is what doctors say is best for the baby, breastfeeding does not work for everyone. It certainly would have been a problem not only for me but also for Olivia if everytime she was about to eat I would have an anxiety attack. I am not sure if I will comment any further on my blog about our decision to use formula, I sort of have to weigh the options. But what I do know is that I have absolutely no guilt when it comes to our decision to formula feed. We have both bonded with our daughter, we both continue to do skin to skin time and I know we made the right decision. I will not allow anyone to judge me, guilt me or insult me regarding this decision. And as if I had any question...the day after we switched to formula, our nurse Heather, looked me in the eye and said, "you made the right decision, you are a completely different person today...don't look back, you are already an incredible mom". Heather was one of my favorites, she was wonderful to have in our corner.
After deciding to change to formula things became a little easier, I felt better about our decision and was actually able to rest in between feedings. It was like a weight had been lifted off of me. We even took the time to put Olivia in a cute sleeper we had bought...
That's not to say that I wasn't having a difficult time with other things, like the emotions that come with having a baby. Wow, I knew they would be intense but no one could have warned me how intense. I cried on and off most of the day. A cousin of mine asked if she could visit and I asked her to come around 11am, she didn't follow that request and showed up at 3pm right as I was laying down to take a nap. Should I have asked her to leave and come back? Probably...but I didn't. So I didn't get the nap I needed and then Mr. G's parents visited and then when my parents and sisters walked in I absolutely lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably. My mom knew that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and just experiencing the normal emotions after child birth. Not to mention I had not been outside the hospital walls in 5 days. First things first, my sisters took me outside for a walk (in a wheelchair) and then my mom talked with Mr. G's mom and they agreed that we needed some help. My mom would stay our first night home and Mr. G's mom would stay the second night home. Once we had a plan things were a little easier, I was able to get a little rest that night and again we sent Olivia to the nursery from 4am until 6:30am. Things were looking up:)
On Thursday (07/24/14) morning I asked Heather if anyone went home a day early after having a c-section, she indicated that a lot of people did.
I WANTED TO GO HOME! I promised her that we had help staying with us and that I would be really good and rest and let people help me. So, my doctor came in and examined me and said I could go home as long as I came to the office the next day to have my staples removed. I agreed! Olivia's pediatrician came in and cleared her for discharge as long as we brought her back a week later for a check up, we agreed. So, we started packing up...here is Mr. G ready to take out the first load of our belongings.
Before I knew it Heather was walking us downstairs and sending us on our way as a family of three! I joked with Heather and asked her why she wasn't getting in the car with us. She hugged us and told us we were going to do great.
And just like that we were a family of three heading home, our little lady slept all the way home in her sweet little going home dress. We chose the dress with pineapples because they mean "welcome".
And so the journey of parenthood began, of course this is just the beginning. The road may have been a little bumpy but we are blessed with this beautiful little lady that has already made all of the pain of labor disappear.
Stay tuned...
No comments:
Post a Comment